WHAT I LEARNT FROM NEELIX'S COOKERY COURSE PAGE 1

PAGE MENU

1. CULINARY QUOTES

2. RECIPE: HEART OF SANCTIFIED TARG

3. LEOLA ROOT - A VITAL INGREDIENT

4. TICKLING DINERS' PALATES

5. HOW TO USE FOOD TO INTERROGATE A PRISONER

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6. ALWAYS USE "A FEW LESS JALAPENOS"

7. THE GLOOPINESS FACTOR

8. RECIPE: MARSUPIAL SURPRISE

9. EX-MENU-ATING CIRCUMSTANCES

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10. ROLK - CALCULATE YOUR COOKING TIMES

 

 

1. CULINARY QUOTES

 

2. RECIPE: HEART OF SANCTIFIED TARG First catch your targ. Get it sanctified. Give the targ an honourable death. Remove its heart and cook it. Cut the heart into pieces and serve on the Klingon Day of Honor.

A targ. [TNG: Where No One Has Gone Before]

On the Klingon Day of Honor, each Klingon examines their behaviour over the past year to see if they measure up to Klingon standards. In a special ceremony, first the applicant must eat from the heart of a sanctified targ, which brings courage to one who eats it, drink mot'loch from the Grail of Kahless, endure the Ritual of Twenty Painstiks, then engage in combat with a master of the bat'leth, and finally traverse the sulphur lagoons of Gorath.

Torres eats from the heart of a sanctified targ. [#71 Day Of Honor]

In [#71 Day of Honor] when B'Elanna Torres enters a holosimulation of the Caves of Kahless in which to perform the ceremony, she manages to eat from the heart of a sanctified targ and drink mot'loch, but changes her mind about going through with the rest of the ceremony. She leaves the holodeck, leaving the holoprogram going, after hurling the Klingon master of ceremonies to the floor.

Bloodpie. [#71 Day Of Honor]

NEELIX'S TIP Hunt your ingredients in plenty of time.

3. LEOLA ROOT - A VITAL INGREDIENT Neelix is an expert at preparing and using leola roots. Serve them as a main dish, make them into soup or broth, serve as a puréed vegetable, or mix them in with other ingredients. NEELIX'S TIP "Stew them for a few hours in a light herbal broth and you won't even notice the mildew." [#11 State of Flux]

A leola root. [State of Flux]

Chakotay samples a raw leola root. [State of Flux]

Commander Chakotay (left picture) and everyone else in Voyager's crew hates the taste of leola root, but it is full of nutritional goodness, and so Neelix regularly includes it in his cooking. "Ugh, I hope I never see another leola root, and you're certainly not feeding any of that hideous broth to my niece, or nephew, whatever it is." Paris to Neelix in [#23 Parturition] "Right now, I'm so hungry I could eat a bowl of Neelix's leola root stew." Kim to Paris in an Akritirian prison [#46 The Chute]

Neelix often feeds prisoners, whether in the brig or, like Lon Suder, confined in secure quarters. In the picture (right), from [#42 and #43 Basics], Neelix takes leola root soup to prisoner Lon Suder. Whilst most would opt for anything but leola root, being a prisoner Suder can only eat what he is given. In [#159 Repentance] he served the Benkaran prisoners Talaxian spice stew with leola rice pilaf (an old family recipe), to be told they did not deserve such a meal. Leola root need not be limited to being a foodstuff - it can even be used as sunburn ointment [#135 Tsunkatse].

Neelix takes leola root soup to prisoner Lon Suder. [Basics]

4. TICKLING DINERS' PALATES Neelix often uses unusual ingredients to vary the menu and keep the punters coming to the food counter. If that does not work, he waits until replicator rations are low so that the crew have to sample his interesting cuisine. Examples below:

Spiders - sautéed, fried, poached or stewed "I don't know which is worse, catching them or eating them." Tom Paris [Gravity]. Thoughtfully Neelix made sure to obtain the recipe.

Alfarian hair pasta Very high in protein, made from the follicles of a mature Alfarian. The hair is harvested during shedding season in early fall. [#23 Parturition]

A beverage made from Potak cold fowl It is made from the glandular secretions of an adult dung hill bird found on Potak III, and has a rare smoky flavour particularly suited to being served with strong meaty dishes [#23 Parturition]. Kes' and Tom Paris' views are unknown (but we can guess).

Pleeka rind casserole In [Real Life] when an astral eddy forms at the confluence of space and subspace and causes a particle wake of highly charged plasma to impact with Voyager, the crew believe that if they could harness the particle wake's energy they could go off replicator rations for awhile. It is decided that Paris will use the bussard collectors on a shuttlecraft to collect the plasma. Paris: "This may save us all from Neelix's pleeka rind casserole after all." Janeway: "We'll all thank you for that." However, in [#75 Scientific Method], Kim asks Neelix if he has any leftover pleeka rind casserole that he can have for breakfast - he says that he likes it.

In [#70 The Gift] when Kes says a final farewell to Neelix she apologises that things (i.e. their romance) did not work out the way Neelix planned. He surmises that the problem was that she does not like his cooking(!).

5. HOW TO USE FOOD TO INTERROGATE A PRISONER In [#151 Critical Care], Neelix uses his culinary gifts to obtain information from a prisoner in the brig when Tuvok, chief of security, is unable to do so. NEELIX'S TIP Use Talaxian worm-root as the base in the dish of your choice, for quick and effective results.

Prisoner Gar tucks hungrily into the food (not very nice looking) that Neelix brings. [Critical Care] Gar feels ill. [Critical Care]

In the brig, Neelix brings a meal to the prisoner, a Dralian trader called Gar as Tuvok looks on. Neelix to Gar: "There we are. I'm glad to see you enjoying a meal. When you got sick last time I thought my food was to blame, until I realised it was just a ruse for you to get close to the Doctor. I used Talaxian worm root as the base." Gar starts to feel ill - he looks as if he is about to vomit. "I'm glad you like it. Some people react badly." Gar manages to gasp: "React how?" Neelix: "Oh dear. I hope you're not getting sick. If it's the worm-root it's going to get a lot worse." Gar: "What have you done to me!" Neelix: "The usual symptoms are abdominal spasms which increase in severity for 30 hours, 40 at the most." Tuvok clicks his combadge: combadge "Tuvok to sickbay." Neelix: "Don't worry, Mr Tuvok, it's not fatal. It's horribly unpleasant but er, there's an antidote." Gar: "Then give it to me!" Neelix: "Unfortunately our Doctor's the only one authorised to administer it. Maybe if you remembered where he was." As Gar clutches his stomach and rocks back and forth in agony, Tuvok takes Neelix aside. Tuvok: "Mr Neelix, you deliberately poisoned this man." Further about worm root: Neelix served Talaxian stew, containing Talaxian worm root and Talaxian spices, to the ship's crew in 2371 [#6 The Cloud].