EPISODES FEATURING CHEZ SANDRINE - illustrated episode excerpt

TWISTED - Page 1

Kes enters the Holodeck where Tom Paris' holoprogram Chez Sandrine is running.

But as she enters, she finds the place dark and empty. Kes: "Hello? Anybody here? Neelix?"

Suddenly everyone shouts out: "Surprise!" At the same time, the lights go on and everyone bursts out of hiding, laughing and happy.

Neelix: "Surprise! Happy birthday, my sweet."

Janeway: "Happy birthday, Kes." She gives Kes a gift-wrapped present. They hug each other.

Neelix: "Imagine: two years old today." He jokes: "If you ask me, you don't look a day over one." Everyone laughs.

Kes: "Why was everyone hiding?" Paris: "Oh, it's an old Earth custom called a 'surprise party'." Janeway: "Sorry if we startled you." Kes: "No, I liked it! It was very exhilarating."

Neelix: "Now how about a glass of my special birthday punch?" He takes her to the bar counter. "Garçon?" The bartender is the Doctor. "On the rocks or straight up?" He serves out some punch.

Kes: "Doctor, I'm so glad you're here!"

Holo-Sandrine: "My new bartender." She puts her arms round him. "Handsome, isn't he?" The Doctor is rather embarrassed. He informs Kes and Neelix: "I'm here in an official capacity, of course; in case of a medical emergency." Kes: "Emergency?" Doctor: "Surprises have been known to cause acute hyperventilation, oesophageal spasms and, in extreme cases, even coronary arrest. One can never be too careful."

A little while later on the Holodeck..... Neelix: "Wait till you taste this cake!" As he carries it over to by the pool table where Kes is, Hologram Gaunt Gary steals a piece of icing as a taster. "Seven layers of Jibalian fudge, and the icing is made from puréed l'maki nuts, Kes' favourite." Janeway: "Now make a wish and blow out the candles." Kes: "What do I wish for?" Holo-Sandrine: "Anything your petite coeur desires, ma cherie." She makes an aside to Janeway and Torres: "And with a figure like hers, she'll probably get it too." They giggle.

Kes: "OK, I wish for-" Torres: "Don't tell us! The wish has to be a secret if it's going to come true."

Kes blows out all the candles in one go. They cheer and applaud.

Hologram Gaunt Gary to Paris: "I hate to interrupt this tender little moment, Tommy boy, but don't you think it's about time we shot a rack?" Paris: "In a minute."

Paris goes over to Kes: "Birthday gifts are also an Earth tradition." He hands her a gift-wrapped package. Kes is touched. "Thank you, Tom. You didn't have to." Paris: "Hey, who am I to fly in the face of tradition?"

She opens it. It is a locket.

Kes: "Tom, it's beautiful. It must have cost you a week's worth of replicator rations." Paris: "Two weeks actually, but who's counting? I'm just glad you like it."

Janeway to Kes: "May I?" She takes it from her. "Oh, that's lovely. You see, it's a locket." She opens it and shows her: "You put little photographs in here. It keeps the people you love close to your heart."

Neelix is seething with jealousy, but he tries to hide it by wandering over to the bar. Chakotay takes a glass of punch from the Doctor: "Thank you."

Neelix approaches him: "Did you see that?!" Chakotay: "See what?" Neelix: "He, he," but he knows he should not say anything about his jealousy, so he changes what he was going to say, "he did a lovely wrapping job, don't you think?"

The comm. signal sounds. Tuvok's voice is heard: "Bridge to Janeway." Janeway taps her combadge. She replies, via comms: "Go ahead, Lieutenant."

Tuvok, via comms: "Captain, we have encountered an unusual phenomenon... phenomenon... phenomenon...phenomenon... phenomenon... phenomenon... phenomenon... phenomenon... phenomenon..." The word "phenomenon" continually echoes, weirdly.

Torres accesses a systems maintenance area behind a panel of Chez Sandrine's wall. Janeway accompanies her. Janeway has to shout to be heard above the irritatingly repeated "phenomenon". "What is going on, Lieutenant?" Torres shouts back: "It might simply be a localised malfunction, but I've never heard anything like it. My guess is," the sound stops and she suddenly realises she can lower her voice to normal, "it's a problem with the comm. system itself." Janeway taps her combadge. Via comms: "Janeway to bridge." There is no reply. To Torres: "Get down to Engineering and run a diagnostic."

Janeway regretfully tells Kes: "I'm afraid we're going to have to cut your party short, Kes." She calls out: "Stations, everyone. Let's move."

Neelix protests as everyone starts leaving: "But, but, what about the Jibalian fudge cake?!" Janeway stops briefly in the doorway: "Save me a slice, won't you?" Then she hurries out, leaving Neelix crestfallen.

On the Bridge, Tuvok is acting captain. In space ahead of the ship the space is literally changing shape, possibly some type of spatial distortion wave, and thought to be the anomaly responsible for the comm. system malfunction. It is generating intense pulses of EM radiation. Voyager is unable to escape and it intercepts in less than ten minutes - Voyager cannot go forwards or backwards as the distortion completely surround the starship like a ring.

Later, because engines go offline too, Kim goes searching for Janeway.

Meanwhile, various crewmembers find that, mysteriously, they cannot reach their intended destinations. For instance, Torres tries to reach Engineering but ends up at the Messhall and then a Transporter Room. At the same time, Janeway, Paris and Chakotay take a turbolift to the Bridge but end up at Engineering.

In Chez Sandrine, the holographic proprietress holo-Sandrine is watching the holographic representation of a famous pool hustler, Hologram Gaunt Gary, as he practises pool shots.

The Doctor materialises next to her. He is irritated. "The holodeck again!" Holo-Sandrine: "Aha!" Doctor: "This is infuriating."

Holo-Sandrine: "Oh, stop playing games, mon cheri. I know why you keep coming back to work, even though your bartending shift is over." She giggles. "It's to see me, of course." Despite resistance, she takes off his overall and beret. The Doctor protests: "How many times do I have to tell you, madam? I am a doctor, not a bartender." Holo-Sandrine: "Of course you are." She holds onto him and kisses him deeply and passionately.

At that moment, Kim enters and sees them. Kim: "Doc?" Doctor: "Ensign Kim." He is very embarrassed. "I was just, er-"

Holo-Sandrine: "Playing doctor." Going over to Kim, she speaks sensuously: "Hi."

While holo-Sandrine greets Kim, the Doctor examines the lipstick left on his fingers, and is not sure what to make of the substance.

Doctor: "The Captain and the others went to investigate the phenomenon Mr Tuvok reported." Kim: "So all of you heard his report before the comm. system failed?" Doctor: "Only a fraction of it." Kim: "Well, I'm sure Tuvok's filled them in with the rest by now. What are you still doing on the Holodeck, besides playing doctor, that is?" Doctor: "For your information, I have been attempting to transfer myself back to Sickbay. But each time I try, I reappear here." Kim: "That's strange."

Doctor: "Not to mention extremely irritating. I can't seem to shut down Mr Paris' holoprogram either."
Kim: "Computer, end holodeck program Paris 3." The computer gives the acknowledging audio sound but nothing happens. "Computer, arch." He sighs. To the Doctor: "Either the holo-emitters are malfunctioning or the computer's not accepting voice commands. I'm sorry, Doctor, I don't have time to help you right now."
Doctor, as Kim goes to leave: "Wait just a minute."
Kim: "Hmm?"
Doctor: "What do you think you're going?"
Kim: "I've got to get back to the Bridge. We're in the middle of a crisis."
Doctor: "All the more reason I should be back in Sickbay. I'm sure that the Captain and the others will be able to do without you for a few more minutes."
Kim: "I guess you're right." He turns back from the doorway. "I'll have a look at the holo-controls."

Holo-Sandrine is delighted that the Doctor is going to stay. He gives her an embarrassed little wave and a forced smile.

The crewmembers continue to be lost, and eventually for some mysterious reason end up converging on the same place - outside the Holodeck where the Chez Sandrine holoprogram is running. The turbolift doors open, and Paris, Janeway and Chakotay emerge into the corridor. They look around, and are as bewildered as ever.

They enter the Holodeck and discuss events so far.

Janeway: "Let me get this straight. This distortion ring has completely immobilised us. We have no means of communication with the Bridge or any other part of the ship, and no matter where any of us have tried to go - the Bridge, engineering, Kes' quarters - we've all eventually ended up here right back at deck 6." Kim: "The bridge is on deck 1, engineering is on deck 11, deck 6 is halfway in between, right?" Chakotay: "So?" Kim: "So if we're being surrounded by this ring, maybe it's pushing us all to the centre of the ship." Torres: "But it's not just that we're being led back here. I mean, rooms are in the wrong place. Is it possible that this distortion ring is somehow changing the layout of the ship?" Doctor: "There is another possibility. Exposure to some types of E-M radiation has been known to cause hallucinations. Perhaps it's not the ship that's undergone changes but rather your perception of it. Unfortunately, without my medical equipment to analyse your optic nerves, there's no way to tell." Janeway: "We'll never figure it out sitting here. We need more information about this phenomenon - sensor readings, computer analyses. We have to find a way back to the Bridge." Torres: "If we can't get back on foot or on the turbolift, maybe we can rig a site-to-site transport, beam ourselves to the Bridge." Chakotay: "We'd have to get to a transporter room first." Torres: "Or to Engineering, wherever that is." Paris: "When we tried to go to the Bridge, one of the places the turbolift took us was engineering. Maybe if we repeat our steps, it'll take us back there." Janeway: "It's worth a shot. Lieutenant Paris, you're with Torres." They acknowledge the order. Kim: "Maybe we can get to the Bridge through a Jefferies tube. If I remember my ship specs correctly, there should be an emergency access conduit which leads directly from this deck to deck 1 right behind the Bridge." Janeway nods in agreement as he speaks. Chakotay: "I'd like to keep trying to get to the Bridge on foot. If the ship has been reconfigured somehow, I can get a deck-by-deck picture of what it looks like as I go." Paris: "What's going to keep you from getting lost?" Chakotay: "I'll get a tricorder from the storage locker, rig it to emit a photo-plasmic trail." Janeway: "Right. We should all get tricorders. Set them on active scan, gather as much information as we can about what's happening to the ship."

Doctor: "May I request that Kes be allowed to stay here with me? Besides helping stave off the predatory advances of that woman," referring to holo-Sandrine who is looking at him amused, "she may be able to help me find a way to transfer myself back to Sickbay."

Neelix: "And er, I'll assist Commander Chakotay, Captain. As you may have heard, my tracking skills are legendary throughout the Quadrant." He looks down in assumed modesty.

Janeway had not heard this, at least not from anyone except Neelix. But she trusts him. "That alright with you, Commander?" He makes an expression which indicates he does not mind. "Mr Kim, I'm with you. Let's do it." Kes: "Be careful."

Janeway and Kim crawl along a Jefferies tube crawlway. She cannot get a hatch door open and so forces it open with an emergency hand actuator.

Her arm goes through the doors.....and stretches out into the distance, impossibly long, and distorted. Horrified she stares at her long rippling arm.

Kim: "Captain!" Janeway: "Oh, oh, oh, oh, I can't get my arm out!"

Kim hauls her back through the hatchway. Her arm returns to normal. She is exhausted. "Oh, I think I'm OK." She feels her wrist. Kim: "I'm reading an intense electromagnetic charge on the other side of that hatch. That must have been what was pulling you in." Janeway: "It's as if everything on the other side is in a state of structural flux - the walls, the atmosphere." Kim: "And the sequence of those fluctuations matches the readings from the distortion ring. This phenomenon isn't just occurring in space. It's definitely inside the ship as well." Janeway: "We're going to have to re-group and come up with a plan for combatting this thing."

Suddenly she starts with pain. Kim: "Captain, what's wrong?" Janeway: "I don't know. Oh! Oh, my eyes!"

She collapses. Kim bends over her, very worried: "Captain? Captain!"

In the Chez Sandrine holoprogram, the Doctor is having to fend off not one hologram (Sandrine) but two. Hologram Gaunt Gary: "Come on, pal, one lousy game, spot you six balls." Doctor: "I'm not programmed to play games."

Holo-Sandrine: "If he won't play pool with you and he won't make love to me, then as far as I'm concerned, he can mop the floor." Doctor: "You see these hands? These are surgeon's hands, created by the most sophisticated computer imaging technology available. They do not play games, and they do NOT mop floors!" Holo-Sandrine: "Then you are fired! I will find a new bartender." Doctor: "I really wish you would."

Kes re-enters the holoprogram. "Doctor." Doctor: "Please tell me you've had some success in re-initialising the holo-emitters." Kes: "I did exactly what you told me but it didn't work." The Doctor realises this, as he is still on the Holodeck and not back in Sickbay. "Of course not." Kes: "I'm starting to get worried about Neelix. What's taking them so long?" Holo-Sandrine: "Ah, trust me, cherie. You are better off without him." Pointedly: "All men are alike. In the end, they always break your heart."

Kim enters, supporting Janeway. Urgently: "Can I get some help here!" The Doctor helps lay Janeway on a couch where she lays, unconscious. "What happened to her?" Kim: "She came into contact with the spatial distortions in the Jefferies tube. She seemed fine for a couple of minutes, but then she started to fade in and out of consciousness."

In the Holodeck, the Doctor is using a tricorder to diagnose the unconscious Janeway's medical condition.

Hologram Gaunt Gary is at the pool table, about to play a shot.

Suddenly Paris and Torres materialise in Chez Sandrine, on top of the pool table!

Paris and Torres look around, surprised.

Hologram Gaunt Gary: "Would you mind moving your foot, Tommy boy? It's blocking my shot."

Torres is clambering off the pool table.

Chakotay: "Tell me you already made it to the Bridge, and you've come back here to give us a status report." Torres: "We locked onto the Bridge co-ordinates but this is where we ended up. None of you had any luck either?" Tuvok: "Not only has no one been able to reach the Bridge, but the Captain came into contact with the spatial distortion and is now unconscious." Torres and Paris look with concern over at Janeway. Chakotay: "That's not all. We lost Neelix too." Paris: "Lost him?" Chakotay: "He turned a corner, and he was just gone. We think the spatial distortions are continuously changing the configuration of the corridors." Torres: "Kes must be worried sick." Kim: "And it isn't just Neelix who's missing. Where's the rest of the crew?" Tuvok: "It is likely that they too are trapped in other parts of the ship, cut off from communication and unable to find their way out." Paris: "So what do we do now?" Chakotay: "This wave is obviously causing some kind of radical reconfiguration of the ship. We've got to try to reverse it. If not, we may never be able to get to the Bridge." Torres: "How are we supposed to reverse something we don't understand? No matter where we go, we end up here. Corridors are re-aligning, rooms are in the wrong place. What's the pattern?" Tuvok: "We would certainly benefit from having an accurate picture of what the ship currently looks like. That way we would have a better chance of getting where we want to go." Kim: "Maybe we could make a map." Chakotay: "Ensign?" Kim: "One good thing about all the wandering we've been doing is that we've been collecting a lot of tricorder data about the structural changes that have been taking place." Torres: "And if we fed all that information into the central database, the computer might be able to extrapolate a schematic of the ship as it's configured now." Chakotay: "What are we waiting for?" They head outside the Holodeck.

They are gathered outside the Holodeck, by the computer control panel.

Kim: "The computer has analysed all our tricorder data, so this ought to be pretty close to what it looks like now."

They look at the monitor display which shows Voyager as they have never seen it. Paris: "It's as if the entire ship is being compressed and twisted." Torres: "My guess is it's more than just a distortion ring. It looks like some sort of spatial implosion that's slowly crushing us."

Chakotay: "Look, this part of the ship seems unaffected."

Kim: "That's deck 6 where we are." Tuvok: "Correct, Ensign. However, the area we occupying will not remain unaffected indefinitely." Chakotay: "How long?" Tuvok: "Based on the rate of implosion thus far, I estimate the ring will crush deck 6 in approximately 68 minutes." They now realise the situation is a matter of life and death.