EPISODES FEATURING CHEZ SANDRINE - illustrated episode excerpt

THE SWARM

In Tom Paris' Chez Sandrine holoprogram, the Doctor is pursuing a new hobby of opera singing. He is accompanied by a holographic diva. excerpt from aria O soave fanciulla

When the diva enters the duet part, the Doctor experiences consternation and annoyance with her performance. He tries to recover and resumes singing.

Eventually the Doctor interrupts with an order to the computer: "Computer, pause playback." To the diva: "Excuse me, but your entrance was early. You're rushing the tempo." The holo-diva laughs scornfully. "I am not rushing. You are lagging behind like a tired donkey!" Doctor: "I assure you I have studied the finest recordings of this opera: Caruso and Galli-Curci, Pavarotti and Freni, Soral and T'Penna of Vulcan." At each set of names she chortles derisively. "The tempo is accurate." Holo-diva: "Galli-Curci, Freni, T'Penna? They are all fallite, they are mere dust balls, they are nothing. Guiseppina Pentangeli," referring to herself, "the greatest soprano lirico of the 22nd century, transcends them all, and conductors take their tempi from me! Capisci?" Doctor: "In this instance, they take it from me. I programmed the orchestral playback." The holo-diva is scathing, displaying her big ego with grand sweeping gestures. "Who allows you to make this choice? You are an amateur. You have no sense of rubato, no ralletando. It's like singing with computer!" Doctor: "Madam, I may be an amateur, but I'm also known as a quick study." She laughs contemptuously. He continues crossly: "And as I am in charge of this program, you will do it my way! Shall we try it again. Computer, start playback." He starts the aria again. But she does not join in. To the computer: "Stop playback." Holo-diva, displaying the magnificence of her temper: "What now?! Non es possibile!" The Doctor is suddenly worried. "I couldn't remember the words." Holo-diva: "In all of my career, I have never forgotten a lyric! This is the difference between amateur and professional!" Doctor: "No need to over-react. I just need to relax." Holo-diva lets out a string of Italian, gesturing: "This is infuriating! I-I want another partner! Subito!" Doctor: "I'm the one who needs another partner. You've got me so upset I can't sing. Computer, delete-"

The comm. signal interrupts him. comms. signal "Janeway to the Doctor. We have a medical emergency. Report to Sickbay."
Doctor, via comms: "Right away, Captain." Contact ends. To the holo-diva: "Adieu, Madam. Next time I'll take my chances with Maria Callas." She laughs scornfully. "Computer, delete the diva."
The holo-diva is in the middle of calling him some choice names, such as "Imbecille, pensa-", as she disappears.