MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE
Episode 82
Part F

 

But things have not gone wildly wrong for them, as they are actually on the Bridge by the viewscreen that is displaying the outside view of space EMH Mark 2, continuing: "Because there's nothing in my program that will help us fly this thing."

Doctor: "I've had my share of piloting experience. Actually only two lessons, and they were in a shuttlecraft, on the Holodeck, but I showed great intuition! Where's the helm?" EMH Mark 2: "You'd better intuit it fast. We're only about eight minutes from the Romulan border." Doctor spots the most likely looking console: "Ah, there it is." He goes over to the helm and pushes aside the unconscious Romulan officer without a thought as he sits down. They stare at the array of controls.

EMH Mark 2: "This is all very complicated." Doctor: "Stop breathing down my neck." EMH Mark 2: "My breathing is merely a simulation." Doctor: "So is my neck. Stop it anyway." EMH Mark 2: "Is this a thruster control?" Doctor: "Don't touch that, we don't know what it does. It could be the self-destruct!" EMH Mark 2: "You look worried." Doctor: "I'm just," hunting for the correct word, "concentrating."

EMH Mark 2: "You don't know what you're doing, do you. This is not a shuttle and we are not on a holodeck!" Doctor: "Shh!"

EMH Mark 2: "Mr I-can-leave-my-ship! The Voice of Experience!" Doctor: "Let me think! Ah, here it is. This looks like the nacelle power control." EMH Mark 2: "So? So?"

Doctor: "There's a little trick I saw Mr Paris do once. If I can generate a slight overload to the nacelle coils it'll collapse the warp field." He activates the control. The ship lurches, they fall against the console, and then the ship is stationary. EMH Mark 2: "Oh! What happened?" Doctor: "I did it. We've stopped. Ah, all we have to do now is find a way to send Starfleet a distress signal and-"

An audio alert sounds. EMH Mark 2, imitating the alert sound: "Be-be-beep? Be-be-beep? I've never heard that one before."

Doctor, checking the read-out: "Oh, no." EMH Mark 2: "What?" Doctor: "I'm not sure, but I think whatever I did initiated a warp core overload." EMH Mark 2: "You mean the ship's going to explode? You've got to stop it." Doctor: "Ah." He presses a control. The audio alert stops. "No problem."

EMH Mark 2, as a different audio alert sounds: "What now?"

Doctor: "Unless I'm mistaken, and for once I sincerely hope I am, there are three Romulan warbirds on an intercept course."

USS Voyager, Delta Quadrant.

Voyager's Astrometrics Lab. Torres: "We're boosting the signal gain as high as it'll go. I think we can cut through the alien's jamming signal." Idrin appears again on screen: "I warned you." Janeway: "I apologise for our intrusion. Allow me to explain." Idrin (on screen): "No explanation!"

Janeway explains anyway: "Your relay network gave us the unique opportunity to communicate with our people. They are very far away and we're expecting a message back from them." Idrin (on screen): "All messages will be intercepted." Torres: "He's trying to jam the link again." Janeway: "There must be some room for negotiation. Isn't there anything you might accept in exchange for-"

Suddenly Idrin cries out in pain as sparks fly in his face, and he collapses. Surprised, Janeway turns to Seven: "What happened?"

Seven: "I generated a feedback surge along our sensor link." Torres: "You killed him?" Seven: "It was a mild shock. He will recover."

Janeway: "And when he does?" Seven: "He wasn't responding to diplomacy." Janeway: "Is the sensor link stable?" Seven: "Yes, Captain." Janeway: "Keep watching for the Doctor. Let me know if our friend gives us any more trouble." She heads for the door.

Torres: "Mild shock." Janeway exits through the door. "Not bad." Seven: "Thank you."

Voyager's Sickbay. Kim is working at the console. "There." He stops. "I've finished inputting the Doctor's physical characteristics." Paris: "Let's have a look."

Kim: "Computer, activate the Emergency Medical Hologram Replacement Program." A look-alike Doctor materialises.

Paris: "Do you think we should give him a little more hair?" Kim: "What do you say we try to get him working first, then we can worry about personal grooming." Paris: "Right. You're the boss. What do we do next?" Kim: "I've downloaded the ship's entire medical library and compressed it into a single data file. It's got all the classics, from Gray's Anatomy to Leonard McCoy's Comparative Alien Physiology."

Paris: "And once we transfer all the data," tapping the Replacement's head, "into stoneface's matrix we'll have ourselves a brand-new medical expert."

Kim: "That's what I'm hoping." Paris: "Harry, you are a genius." Kim: "Huh, don't congratulate me yet. This is only the first step." Paris: "Yeah, but it's a step in the right direction." Kim: "I'm telling you, this probably isn't going to work."

Paris: "What happened to all that youthful optimism?" Kim: "Being a doctor is a lot more than knowing facts. We still have to create analytical subroutines to help him diagnose patients, tactile protocols so he can perform surgery, not to mention a personality profile." Paris: "Oh, you know, I've been thinking about that. Maybe we should make this one a little more," choosing the right word, "pleasant than the old Doc."

Kim: "Alright, ready to transfer the data. Computer, transfer medical library master file to Emergency Medical Replacement Hologram." Computer: "Transfer complete."

EMH Replacement: "Chapter 1: The Animal Cell. All the tissues of the body originate from a microscopic structure, the fertilised ovum, which consists of a soft jellylike material enclosed in a membrane and containing a vessel or small spherical body inside..." Paris, addressing Kim over the EMH Replacement from the word "vessel": "What's he doing?" Kim: "I think he's reciting Gray's Anatomy." The EMH Replacement carries on reciting: "This may be regarded as a complete cell." Paris: "Can you stop him?" Kim, busy at the computer console: "I'm trying!" EMH Replacement: "....similar to it in nature but differing in external form. Paragraph."

Paris tries to communicate with the EMH Replacement: "Listen, this is all very fascinating-" EMH Replacement: "In a higher organisms, a cell is..." Paris shouts at the EMH Replacement: "But would you please be quiet for a minute!" Kim: "He doesn't have speech recognition protocols yet!" Paris: "Well, give him some, would you!" Meanwhile the EMH Replacement has never stopped reciting continuously: "....material similar to that in the ovum and usually called cytoplasm, and a small spherical..."

Suddenly the EMH Replacement fritzes.

Paris to Kim: "What's happening?!" Kim: "It's an overload. His matrix can't accommodate all the data." EMH Replacement: "....contain no nuclei-" He goes offline and disappears.

As Paris contemplates the failure, Kim accesses the computer and uses a PADD.

Paris notices Kim is still working at the computer. "What are you doing?" Kim: "I'm downloading Gray's Anatomy chapter by chapter." Paris: "I thought you said it was too much data for his holomatrix to handle."

Kim: "It's not for the EMH," handing him the PADD, "it's for you." Kim leaves.