FALSE PROFITS
Episode 47
Part E

 

After twenty minutes' (the time he said he would give Kol and Arridor to prepare their farewell speech), the money bags are empty and the last of the Takarians bow their way gratefully out of Neelix's presence, saying, "Thank you, thank you," as they leave with frangs galore. Neelix returns to the Divine Vault.

But Kol and Arridor are not there. Neelix calls: "Arridor? Kol? Show yourselves. We can't keep the Grand Nagus waiting."

Kol enters. "If you say so." He is holding a sword! Neelix, indignant: "What is the meaning of this?!"

Arridor enters. "You're not very bright for a Grand Proxy." He too is holding a sword! Kol: "Ex-Grand Proxy!"

Neelix: "But the Grand Nagus-!" Neelix tries to hold up the staff to defend himself. Arridor attacks.

Arridor's sword slashes the staff into two halves. "-Is on the other side of the galaxy!" Neelix hurls the broken pieces at Arridor who ducks to avoid them.

Frantically Neelix hurls items of treasure at the two advancing Ferengi, but they quickly gain the advantage when Neelix has to dive to the floor to avoid a sword slash from Arridor.

Neelix scrambles away to the side of another couch. Neelix: "Wait! I'm not, I'm not the Grand Proxy!" Arridor: "Oh no? Who are you then?!" Neelix ducks another sword blow. "Stop! My name is Neelix!"

Arridor: "Neelix? That's not a Ferengi name." When cornered, Neelix shouts: "Wait! I'm not Ferengi!"

Kol: "What?" Neelix: "I've never even met the Grand Nagus!" Kol: "A likely story." Neelix, desperately: "It's true! I'm wearing a disguise. I'm really a Talaxian, a crewman on Voyager."

Arridor: "If you're not Ferengi, prove it!" Neelix: "I'm not sure how." Kol tugs hard on Neelix's fake Ferengi ears. "Doesn't that hurt?" Neelix: "I can't feel a thing." Any Ferengi would be screaming in pain on having his ears pulled the way Kol did. Kol gets up and says to Arridor: "He really isn't a Ferengi."

Arridor puts up his weapon. He beckons Neelix. Affably: "On your feet. Alright, Talaxian, back to your ship, and tell those Hu-mons to keep their hands out of our pockets or else."

Kol, as Neelix scurries away, to Neelix's departing back: "And stay out!" Neelix leaves.

Kol: "We've won, we won!" Arridor: "No, my friend, not exactly." Kol is perplexed, but only for a moment. Arridor explains: "To be precise: we won AGAIN!" Triumphant laughter.

Neelix exits the Temple, coming down the steps with a despondent look.

He goes up to Paris and Chakotay who are waiting for him. Paris: "What happened?" Neelix: "Suffice it to say, they know I'm not the Grand Proxy." Paris: "Oh, great." Chakotay: "Let's get to the shuttle."

Suddenly the Bard appears, points a finger at Neelix and demands: "Who are you?" Neelix: "I'm, er, well-" Bard: "You're another Holy One, aren't you?" Neelix: "Er, that's right, er, another Holy One."

Bard: "Then you'll appreciate this." He declaims: The Sages in the sky did dwell Upon white clouds that held them well, Until the sentry rang the bell The Holy Sages never fell. He turns to them: "That'll be three frangs, please."

Paris: "But we didn't ask you to recite it." Bard: "Well, you heard it, didn't you?" Chakotay: "Your poem's very nice, but we're in a hurry." Bard: "No, please, sir! Er, my eye-"

Paris: "Look, friend, I'm sorry about your eye, really, but- Wait a minute. Wasn't your patch on the other side?" Bard: "Oh." He shifts the patch to the other eye but he no longer has their sympathy. Paris: "We've got to go." Bard: "Wait, please. I, I'll throw in another verse gratis." He declaims: But when the ringing called them here From the sky they did appear-

Chakotay interrupts: "Tell me something. What happens to the Sages at the end of the song?" Bard: "Oh, let me see now. The, the final verse.... It's been a very long time, you know. Those are very handsome shoes you have, sir." Chakotay sighs, sits down and starts to remove his shoes.

Bard: "Ah, yes, it's coming back to me now." He declaims: And there amid the eastern lights Three new stars appeared that night. And with the ringing of the bell The Sages knew where they must dwell. The Holy Pilgrim led them back High into the sky of black. And riding on the wings of fire The holy men rose higher and higher.

The Bard turns to Neelix: "Wait a minute. I know who you are!"

The away team waits until dark has fallen to prepare their plan into action. Then Neelix goes up the Temple steps and turns to address the town square. Only a few Takarians are about. Neelix: "I am the Holy Pilgrim!"

There is no response. Neelix makes a shrugging gesture to Paris and Chakotay.

Paris goes and rouses the Sandal-making who is dozing nearby: "Did you hear that? The Holy Pilgrim!" Sandal-maker wakes. "The Holy Pilgrim?" Paris goes from person to person, gaining their interest: "The Holy Pilgrim!" Chakotay shouts out, attracting attention: "The Holy Pilgrim! The Holy Pilgrim!"