FALSE PROFITS
Episode 47
Part C

 

USS Voyager, in orbit around the planet Takar. Janeway: "Captain's log, supplemental. The away team has returned with some very disturbing observations about the situation on the planet."

In Voyager's Briefing Room certain senior staff discuss the situation. Chakotay: "It seems the people have a myth, an epic poem called The Song of the Sages which predicts the arrival of two demi-gods from the sky, the two Sages, who would rule over the people as benevolent protectors." Paris: "But these Ferengi are anything but benevolent." Chakotay: "What they've done is co-opt the local mythology, by using advanced technology like the replicator to convince the people that they're the two Sages spoken of in the poem." Paris: "Of course, being Ferengi they haven't just co-opted the mythology, they've cornered the market, on everything."

Neelix listens. Chakotay: "It's disgusting, Captain. The two Ferengi live in a palatial temple while the people are lucky to have a roof over their heads." Paris: "Apparently it wasn't always like that. According to the people that we met, before the Ferengi came, the society may have been primitive, but it was flourishing. What I'd like to know is, how two Ferengi got to the Delta Quadrant?"

Janeway: "We've been looking into that. Mr Tuvok."

Tuvok: "According to Starfleet computer records, approximately seven years ago the Federation starship Enterprise hosted negotiations for ownership of the Barzan wormhole. Included among the bidding parties were two Ferengi, minor functionaries, known as Arridor and Kol."

Neelix: "And this Barzan wormhole, it's the same one we've discovered now?" Kim: "Apparently. But we've confirmed what nobody knew at the time - the wormhole is fixed in the Alpha Quadrant but in the Delta Quadrant it jumps around. Turned out to be worthless." Tuvok: "But the Ferengi were not aware of that, and during a nefarious attempt to secure the wormhole for themselves they were pulled into it and deposited in the Delta Quadrant."

Chakotay: "Now that we've found them, what are we going to do with them?"

Janeway: "Well, I certainly don't intend to leave them here to continue exploiting an innocent society. How are you two coming with getting the wormhole back here and re-opened?"

Torres: "We've been bombarding the area of the subspace instability with verteron particles." Kim: "So far everything is going according to plan, but it's tricky. There are a hundred factors that could deflect it from this sector: a gravimetric shift, a solar flare-" Torres: "And even if we're lucky enough to get it here, it won't be around for long. We'll have a very short window of opportunity to get through." Janeway: "Well, if we can get the wormhole here, we'll be taking two additional passengers with us. We'll turn them over to Ferengi authorities when we get there."

Tuvok: "Captain, I must remind you that the Ferengi are not members of the Federation. They are not bound by the Prime Directive, nor would it seem that the Prime Directive would allow us to interfere in the internal affairs of this society, as much as we may disapprove of what the Ferengi are doing." Janeway: "The Federation did host the negotiations, and if it weren't for those negotiations the Ferengi wouldn't be here, so one could say, without being unreasonable I think, that the Federation is partially responsible for what's happened, and therefore duty-bound to correct the situation." Tuvok: "That is a most logical interpretation, Captain."

In the palatial Divine Vault where the Ferengi have established themselves in opulent comfort, Kol relaxes while handmaidens perform oo-mox.

Arridor: "143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148......" He runs out of money. Dismayed, he calls out to Kol: "Profits from the Ga'nah Province are down."

Kol, enjoying the oo-mox: "Mmm?" Arridor: "Are you listening to me? I said, profits from the Ga'nah Province are DOWN!"

Kol: "Down? Profits are down?" He gets up and pushes the handmaidens' hands away. "Eh, both of you leave me alone. Can't you see I'm trying to conduct business here?" To Arridor: "I'm sorry, Arridor. It's just that they can't get enough of my lobes. Where were we? Oh, yes. Profits are down?" Arridor: "And what are we going to do about it?" Kol: "What are you looking at me for? Ask that idiot Kafar. He's in charge of collections in the Ga'nah Province."

Arridor: "Kafar!" Kafar hurries in. To Arridor: "You called, Great Sage?" Arridor: "What is the 95th Rule of Acquisition?" Kafar: "Er, 'Expand or die.'?" Arridor to Kol: "He knows the Rules of Acquisition better than you do." Kol, crossly: "He does not." Arridor to Kafar: "And where is it we've been trying to expand this month?" Kafar: "Into the Ga'Nah province, Great Sage." Arridor: "And who is in charge of collections in the Ga'Nah province?" Kafar: "I am, Great Sage." Kol, hitting Kafar with a cushion: "Then why are profits down, you idiot?! Where's our money?!" Kafar: "Please forgive me, Lesser Sage." Kol, hitting Kafar again: "Oooh, I told you to stop calling me-!"

At that moment Arridor and Kol are beamed out and vanish. transporter

When they have completely vanished, Kafar's astonishment also vanishes.....

......as he soon realises that without his masters there he can take advantage. He relaxes on their couch and puts his feet up.

The Ferengi are shocked to materialise in a transporter room in a facility with the same level of technology as theirs.

They see three Starfleet officers waiting for them. Arridor: "Who are you?" Janeway: "Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation starship Voyager." Kol, worried: "The Federation!"

Arridor: "Shut up, Kol. Let me handle this." To Janeway: "What may I ask is the Federation doing in the Delta Quadrant?" Janeway: "It's a long story but suffice it to say we've been stranded here for the past two years. We're on our way back to the Alpha Quadrant and we're taking you with us." Kol: "This is an outrage. We won't allow you to tr-" Arridor signals him to be quiet. To Janeway: "You're crazy. It would take decades to get back from here." Janeway: "Show them, Mr Tuvok."

Tuvok, at the transporter controls, calls up a schematic diagram for Kol and Arridor to see. "We have been bombarding a local subspace instability with verteron particles. If all goes according to plan, the Barzan wormhole should re-open at our present location in a matter of hours."

Arridor: "And if all doesn't go according to plan?" Janeway: "One way or another, you're coming with us."

Kol: "We've been kidnapped, snatched from the embrace of bliss. It's all over. No more limitless profits, no more unquestioning adulation of the masses, no more quadruple lobe-rubs."

Arridor: "If I'm not mistaken, Captain, the Federation has rules. And those rules forbid you to interfere with indigenous cultures."

Janeway: "What about your interference? You've taken these people's religion and manipulated it for your own selfish purposes, pretended to be their Sages." Arridor: "Who's to say we aren't their Sages, Captain?" Janeway: "Don't be ridiculous."

Arridor: "The Song is sung of Sages who can perform miracles which, thanks to our replicator, we do. The Song is sung of men coming from the sky on a burning flame, when we crashlanded our shuttle in their quaint little town square, trailing behind us a roaring of burning plasma." Kol, who is not that bright, asks Arridor: "Do you mean we really are the Sages?" Arridor turns to him and hits him. He turns back to Janeway: "The point is, Captain, that these people have believed for centuries their gods, known as the Sages, would deliver them from their strife. To them," he gathers Kol to him, "we are those Sages. What happens to a people when they lose their gods? Despair." Kol makes agreeing noises. "Fear. Confusion."

Arridor: "And how can you, as a moral people, blithely tear down the spiritual structure that has supported a community since before their gods were flesh? What would you be leaving them with?" Kol: "Tell us, Arridor, tell us!" Arridor: "Darkness. Doubt. Hopelessness!" Kol: "That was beautiful."

Janeway: "Mr Tuvok, transport them back to the surface." He nods.

As the Ferengi take up position on the transporter pads, Kol whispers gleefully to Arridor: "We did it, Arridor. We won!"

Tuvok beams the Ferengi back to their Divine Vault. transporter Janeway watches them leave.