FALSE PROFITS
Episode 47
Part B

 

Voyager, orbiting the planet Takar. Janeway: "Captain's log, supplemental. I've been asked to join Lieutenant Torres and Ensign Kim in the Science Lab to hear what they've termed as 'very exciting news'."

They show Janeway data and a wormhole schematic on the console monitor. Kim: "We've been able to confirm that the wormhole does lead to the Alpha Quadrant."

Torres: "The problem is that on this end it's jumping from point to point so quickly that even at maximum warp by the time we got to its next probable location it would be gone." Kim: "So we were thinking: if you can't bring the ship to the wormhole, bring the wormhole to the ship. We've detected a subspace instability at our current location that's a result of the wormhole's last appearance here." Torres: "If we could somehow amplify and polarise that instability we might be able to get the wormhole to re-appear."

Janeway: "Sort of like using a magnet to move a compass needle. Question is: how do we polarise the instability?" Kim: "Er, we haven't figured that part out yet."

The trade is done. Paris now has bare feet and the Merchant is wearing his shoes.

Merchant: "Gentlemen, as the Sages say, 'Your goods are now my goods'." Paris: "And my feet are now cold." Merchant: "Perhaps I could interest you in some discounted mining futures?" Paris: "Don't push your luck." To Chakotay: "You know, so far I can't say that I like this town very much."

A native named Kafar, who wears richer clothes than ordinary Takarians, comes out of the Temple and sounds the Temple gong four times. Hearing it, the people gather at the foot of the Temple steps. Chakotay and Paris join the waiting crowd.

Three young beautiful Takarian handmaidens process from the Temple doors to take up position by them.

Seeing these women, Paris comments to Chakotay, "On the other hand....."

Kafar stands at the top of the Temple steps facing the crowd.

Kafar announces: "My friends - the Holy Sages."

The two Holy Sages process from the Temple and appear before the crowd. The Holy Sages are opulently dressed, in contrast to the ordinary citizens. They acknowledge the crowd's adulation, then sit in a throne each.

Chakotay and Paris exchange glances - the Holy Sages are Ferengi!

Kafar: "Behold, the Holy Icon!" The Holy Icon, the replicator, is wheeled out from the palatial temple to sit just in front of the temple doors. There are gasps of awe from the crowd. One of the Ferengi, called Arridor, calls out one of the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, "Greed is eternal."

The crowd dutifully repeats: "Greed is eternal."

Arridor, unimpressed by their lack of enthusiasm, repeats it: "Greed is eternal!"

The crowd responds more enthusiastically: "Greed is eternal!" Chakotay joins in, and part-way through prods Paris to prompt him to join in too. Satisfied, Arridor continues: "Now what other wisdom have you learned from the Sages?" Reciting another Rule of Acquisition: "A wise man can hear profit in the wind." The crowd dutifully repeats: "A wise man can hear profit in the wind."

Chakotay wanders away and surreptitiously contacts Voyager, tapping his combadge which is covered by his waistcoat. combadge "Chakotay to Voyager." Janeway, via comms: "Janeway here." Chakotay, via comms: "We've found the replicator, Captain." Meanwhile, the crowd is dutifully repeating: "A wise man can hear profit in the wind. A wise man can hear profit in the wind."

Arridor: "And now, dear friends, in our great beneficence, we will allow you to come forward to honour our greatness and glorify our generosity. Approach the Holy Sages." The man who was selling sandals in the marketplace comes forward and stops hesitantly at the bottom of the steps. Arridor encourages him: "Approach your gods and speak your heart."

The Sandal-maker starts to venture up the steps. "Eh," Arridor calls out and signals, whereupon the man kneels and grovels his way up the steps. As he arrives, Kafar places a money-chest in front of him. Sandal-maker, humbly: "I am a sandal-maker from the poorest quarter of the city." Kol, far from sympathetic: "The laziest you mean." Arridor is more affable. To the Sandal-maker: "My friend, what is your business with the Sages?"

Sandal-maker: "I am in need of assistance. My sandal shop is failing. I can no longer feed my family-"

Kol, bored: "Same old song." He signals the handmaidens who start giving him oo-mox, which means stroking his ears, which is sexually stimulating for a Ferengi.

Sandal-maker: "My wife, and her mother, my five children, the baby......" Arridor: "That's seven employees, eight if you count the infant. How can your shop be failing?"

Kol leans forward: "You're not paying them, are you?!" Sandal-maker: "Er, my mother-in-law is ill, my children are very young." Kol: "Don't tell me, none of them are working! Ignorant, lobeless fools!"

Arridor stands and addresses the crowd: "Exploitation begins at home!"

The crowd dutifully repeats: "Exploitation begins at home."

Arridor to the Sandal-maker: "Exploitation begins at home!" Sandal-maker: "Exploitation begins at home. I understand my mistake and I promise to start exploiting my family before the end of the day. But, could I have some food and some medicine?" Kol: "Ha ha!" Sandal-maker: "Until my business improves." Arridor pats the Sandal-maker condescendingly on the head. "You shall have something far more valuable - one copy of The Rules of Acquisition, cheapest binding possible." He and Kol look at each other and smirk.

The Holy Icon hums.

It replicates a copy of The Rules of Acquisition, which draws awed murmurs from the impressed crowd when the book appears out of thin air.

Kol hands the book to the Sandal-maker and produces a money-chest: "That'll be ten frangs." Sandal-maker: "But I-" Kol pats the money-chest insistently. Reluctantly the Sandal-maker puts ten frangs into the Ferengi's money-chest.

Chakotay and Paris exchange glances, both of them especially unimpressed by the Ferengi's exploitation of the poor Sandal-maker.

As Kol takes the money-chest and moves away, the now much poorer Sandal-maker looks down at his new possession - expensive and, not being food or medicine, useless. Kol dismisses the crowd: "That's all for today. You may return tomorrow!" Arridor, Kol, far and the handmaidens form a procession back inside the Temple.