FLASHBACK
Episode 44
Part B

 

In Sickbay, Tuvok is explaining to Janeway, the Doctor and Kes. "I was holding a young girl by the hand, trying to prevent her from falling from a precipice. I was unable to keep my grip and she fell to her death. And there is more." He struggles to explain such an alien experience: "I had an emotional response: anxiety, fear, an almost irrational anger at myself for letting her fall." Kes: "When did that happen?" Tuvok: "It never happened. The girl was unfamiliar and I've never been in that situation. It was me as a child. And it did seem like a memory. But I don't recall such an incident." Doctor: "And it was definitely a traumatic episode. Your heart rate accel erated to 300 beats per minute, your adrenaline levels rose by 113 per cent and your neuroelectrical readings nearly jumped off the scale. If you were human, I'd say you had a severe panic attack." Tuvok: "I am not human." Doctor: "No kidding. I don't know what happened to you, but there can be any number of explanations: hallucination, telepathic communication from another race, repressed memory, momentary contact with a parallel reality - take your pick. The universe is such a strange place." J aneway to Tuvok: "I'll have Mr Kim examine the sensor logs. Maybe our proximity to the nebula is affecting you somehow." Doctor: "In the meantime, Lieutenant, you are free to go. All of your vital signs have returned to normal and I don't see any residual systemic damage." The Doctor places a small monitoring device on him. "But I want you to wear this neurocortical monitor. In case you have another episode, it'll record a complete encephalographic profile, and alert Sickbay at the same time." Tuvok: "A wise precaution, Doctor. Thank you."

USS Voyager near the nebula.

Candles light Tuvok's quarters, giving him the subdued and peaceful ambience condusive to the discipline of the 'keethera' he is engaged in. He carefully builds the keethara, a structure consisting of numerous building blocks of different shapes each marked to indicate a different significance. It is a test of mental discipline, also requiring steady hands and immense concentration. Determinedly he recites the almost ritual words designed to aid him in his quest: "Structure. Logic. Function. Control. A structure cannot stand without a foundation. Logic is the foundation of function. Function is the essence of control. I....am....in....control. I....am....in....control."

Tuvok attempts to assemble the keethara. (pop-up window) But a nerve in his hand causes him to falter, just as once he apparently faltered and let go of a little girl's hand. The structure collapses. The pieces fall chaotically over the table. One piece falls, dropping far below, not into a chasm, but onto the floor.

The door signal sounds. door signal He hesitates, not wanting to be disturbed, but eventually says: "Enter." Kes comes in. He rises. "Kes, what is it?" Kes: "The Doctor wanted me to adjust your neurocortical monitor to pick up additional peptide readings. I can come back later if this is a bad time." Tuvok: "No. You may proceed."

Kes moves over to him and, using the slender tool she has brought, adjusts the monitor. She swiftly makes the adjustment. "What are you working on?" Tuvok: "It is called a keethara."

Kes: "Keethara. What does that mean?" Tuvok: "The approximate translation is 'structure of harmony'. It is used as a meditational aid. Building it requires precise balance and spatial acuity. It helps to focus thought and refine mental control." Kes: "At the moment, it doesn't look very harmonious." Tuvok: "No, it does not."

Kes: "I'm curious." She smiles lightly. "What does a keethara look like when it's done?" Tuvok: "The form is not predefined. It is a reflection of the builder's state of mind. Thus it is different each time." Kes: "I'd like to see it when it's finished." Sensing that Tuvok is still uneasy, she brings the awkward moment to a close quickly. "Well, good night." "Kes." She stops in the doorway. Tuvok is unable to voice his meaning, that he regrets not being himself and unable to converse properly with her, but she understands. "It's alright. I understand." She leaves.

Tuvok forces himself to resume the keethara. It gradually takes shape. "Structure. Logic. Function. Control. A structure cannot stand without a foundation. Logic is the foundation of function. Function is the essence of control. I....am....in....control. I....am....in....control."

The next morning, Chakotay and Tuvok end up walking along the corridor together to Main Engineering. Chakotay: "So, how are you feeling this morning?" Tuvok: "If you are referring to yesterday's incident, I haven't experienced any further problems. I am fit for duty." Chakotay: "I didn't ask because I'm concerned about your ability to perform. I'm concerned about you." Tuvok: "There is no need for concern." Chakotay: "Sorry I asked." Tuvok: "My apologies, Commander. I am distracted. I spent fourteen hours last night in deep meditation, trying to determine the source of my aberrant behaviour. I could not." Chakotay: "Maybe you should try to forget about it for a while. I've found that when you don't think about a problem, sometimes the solution comes to you." Tuvok: "It is difficult to forget when you're wearing a neurocortical monitor on your parietal bone." Chakotay: "Good point."

They enter Sickbay and cross the deck to where Kim and Torres are studying a wall monitor on which is displayed a live exterior view of the nebula along with concomitant sensor information.

Chakotay: "Mr Kim?" Kim: "I checked all the sensor logs. There's no sign of anything emanating from the nebula that would've affected Tuvok or Voyager." Chakotay: "Anything unusual about the nebula itself?" Kim: "No, it's a standard Class 17."

Tuvok finds himself captured by the images on the monitor, unable to look away. "I suggest we conduct a tachyon sweep of the nebula. It would reveal the presence of any cloaked ships." Chakotay: "Cloaked ships?" Tuvok: "Yes. We should be extremely cautious this close to Klingon space."

They look at him in surprise. Torres: "Tuvok, the Klingon Empire is on the other side of the galaxy." Tuvok comes to himself, dragging his mind from the Alpha Quadrant back to the Delta Quadrant. "Yes, you are right, of course. I'm uncertain why I would make such an obvious error." Chakotay: "Maybe you should go back to Sickbay."

Tuvok is again captivated by the nebula on the monitor. He feels the onset of anxiety again. Chakotay: "Tuvok?" But Tuvok does not hear him. Before his eyes, so vividly in his mind, is the girl he remembers from before. Her eyes are wide and fearful as she hangs above the precipice. The only thing which stops her from falling into the chasm beneath is Tuvok's hand which grasps her own hand desperately!
1	2
3	4

"Help me, Tuvok!" the girl screams. "Don't let me go!" But he cannot hold on, and she plunges below, screaming: "No!!!"

Tuvok collapses with the stress and guilt, powerful emotions he is unable, this time, to suppress or control.

As he falls, Chakotay takes his arm, but Tuvok's weight carries him onto his back. Kim, Chakotay and Torres bend over him anxiously.

The neurocortical monitor's lights indicate heavy brain activity.