DEATH WISH
Episode 34
Part A

 

Reference to "Q2" should not be confused with the "Q2" who appears in the Season 7 episode [Q2]. Click on any image that shows a link to see it larger.

Stardate 49301.2. The crew of USS Voyager have been surveying an unusual comet.

Janeway: "What's so unusual about it, Commander?" Chakotay: "Its trajectory is erratic and our sensors aren't detecting any stellar or planetary gravitational fields that could account for its motion." Janeway: "Then you're saying it isn't a comet." Chakotay: "And yet it looks, feels and tastes just like a comet."

Janeway looks at monitor readings: "Well, there's a slight chance there are magnetodynamic forces acting on the comet that are too subtle for our sensors to detect. Or it might be something we've never encountered before."

Janeway: "B'Elanna, go down to Transporter Room 2. Let's beam aboard a sample for examination." Torres acknowledges, "Aye, Captain." and leaves the Bridge.

Janeway to Kim: "Harry, see if you can lock on to a core fragment." Kim: "Having no trouble penetrating the crust, Captain."

Kim: "Having no trouble penetrating the crust, Captain."

Torres on her way to Transporter Room 2.

In Transporter Room 2, Torres enters. She sets up a class 3 containment field around the transporter area and then Janeway gives the order, "Commence transport." A humanoid materialises on the transporter pad - apparently a human male, wearing a Starfleet uniform! To Torres' amazement he steps through the containment field and approaches her: "Hello, my name is Q." From now on this Q will be referred to as "Q2". Reference to "Q2" should not be confused with the "Q2" who appears in the Season 7 episode [Q2]. Torres signals the Bridge: "Torres to Janeway. You better get down here, Captain." Janeway, via comms: "Problem, Lieutenant?" Torres, via comms: "Yes, ma'am. That transport from the comet, it brought a man aboard. He says his name is Q." Janeway is immediately concerned, as of course she knows about the Q's encounters with the Federation, with the USS Enterprise NCC-1701-D in particular. "Red alert," she orders. To Torres: "I'll be right down." But as she makes to leave the Bridge, Q2 bends down and speaks to her via Torres' combadge: "Oh no, please don't bother, Captain. Let me take you to lunch instead."

With a flash Q2 and Janeway vanish from their respective locations and suddenly appear in the Messhall!

Q2 eagerly shakes Janeway's hand, and carries on shaking it: "What a pleasure it is to meet you. Oh, am I doing this right? [i.e. shaking hands] It's been such a long time since I've had the opportunity to greet anyone."

Q2 continues to Janeway: "Oh, er, take a seat. Allow me to make the setting more appropriate-"

With a Q-flash the table is sumptuously laid.

Janeway: "My name is Kathryn Janeway, Captain of the Federation-" Q2: "-the Federation starship Voyager. Yes, I know all that. Look, Welsh rarebit just like your grandfather used to make."

Kes and Neelix are standing nearby. Neelix asks Kes: "'Rarebit'. She never told me she likes Rarebits. What is a Rarebit anyway?" About Q he says: "Is this some new chef she's interviewing?" But Kes does not know the answers to his questions.

Q2 to Janeway as he wanders around the Messhall peering curiously at various members of the crew: "Please, eat - it's the least I can do to express my appreciation."

Janeway: "Appreciation? For what?" Q2: "Letting me out of my captivity."

Janeway: "You were being held against your will inside the comet? Who was holding you prisoner, Q?"

Q2 forgets to answer the questions, caught up in the novelty as he continues to look at the crewmembers. Q2: "You, all of you, are mortal, aren't you?"

Q2 to Kes: "And you, you only live 9 years." Kes: "That's right." Q2: "Oh, how I envy you." Kes: "Why is that?" Q2: "Because the one thing I want, more than any other, is to die."

Janeway: "Look, I don't know what you want here, but I know who you are. Every captain in Starfleet has been briefed about your appearances on the Enterprise and I warn you-"

Q2: "My appearances? Oh, no, I never- You've mistaken me for- Well, no matter. I really must get on with my business, before the others realise I'm here."

Q2 turns and grandly addresses the whole Messhall: "When someone asks you about me, and they will, would you tell them I said-" He interrupts himself to chatter: "I've had 300 years to think of appropriate last words. I wanted something memorable, quotable, you know?" He returns to his prepared speech: "Would you tell them I said: 'I die not for myself but for you.'"

The speech over, Q2 chats again: "I know, I know - enigmatic, provocative. They'll understand. Well, goodbye to you all. Many thanks. Here's the end of me!" Q2 gestures with his fingers and there is a bright white Q-flash.

But something has gone wrong - all the male crewmembers have vanished! Q2: "Oh dear. That's not right." Torres signals Janeway: "Captain, all the MEN have disappeared-" Janeway: "I'm aware of it, Lieutenant. Report to the Bridge. Janeway out."

Janeway turns to Q2 and demands: "Bring them back. Now." Q2 replies: "Oh, of course, of course." Q2 tries but nothing happens. "I'm a little out of practice." He tries again. Still nothing. "Well, that's that. I'm afraid they're...gone." Janeway: "Gone?! Gone where?!"

Q2 looks very sorry, and with a flash he spirits himself and Janeway to the Bridge.

He tells her sheepishly: "Just gone. I apologise for the inconvenience. Well, good luck to you all. I really have to be going." Janeway, getting angry: "Return my crew!" Q2: "I'm, I'm not sure how."

Q2 says to himself: "Humans, humans. Who would have more recent experience with humans?" He creates another bright white flash and suddenly there appears on the Bridge....

...Q! - the same Q who appeared several times on USS Enterprise NCC-1701-D and once at Deep Space 9. Q addresses Q2: "What have you done now, Q?" Q2 gestures that he does not know.

Q, sarcastically, upon seeing humans: "Well, isn't this just fine. Humans are not supposed to be in this Quadrant for another hundred years." Q2: "I didn't bring them here. Nothing to do with me-" Q: "How did you get out, Q?" Janeway steps forward: "I'm afraid we're responsible for that." Q comments sarcastically, "Oh, I guess that's what we get for having a woman in the captain's seat." He adds: "You know, I was betting that Riker would get this command." He refers to Commander William ("Will") Riker, First Officer under Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise NCC-1701-D. Janeway: "May I assume you're the Q I've heard so much about?" Q: "Have you heard of little me? Do tell. Has Jean-Luc been whispering about me behind my back?" He notices that there are no men around. "Say, is this a ship of the Valkyries, or have you human women finally managed to do away with your men altogether?" Q2: "There was a slight accident." Q, witheringly to him: "'A slight accident.' Oh, let me guess. You were trying to commit suicide." Q to Janeway: "Now you see why we've locked him up for the last 300 years."