PARTURITION
Episode 23
Part B

 

Voyager arrives at "Planet Hell". Its image is called up on the Bridge's viewscreen.

Janeway: "Analysis." Chakotay: "High levels of trigemic vapours, but it should still support humanoid life."

Doctor, via comms: "Sickbay to Bridge. Please turn to your Emergency Medical Holographic Channel." She does so. He appears on the monitor that the Captain and First Officer share which is located between their two seats. "I hope you don't mind that I've been eavesdropping, but I have something important to contribute." Janeway: "What is it, Doctor?" Doctor, on monitor screen: "Of course, it wouldn't be necessary for me to eavesdrop if I were included in these discussions as a matter of operating protocol."

Janeway prompts him to get to the point: "Doctor." Doctor, on monitor screen: "You should be aware that trigemic vapours at the recorded levels can cause severe humanoid skin irritations." Chakotay: "Could you provide some sort of skin protection that might help?" Doctor, on monitor screen: "I am whipping up a batch of dermal osmotic sealant as we speak. Nevertheless, skin exposure to the atmosphere should be limited." Janeway: "Noted, Doctor. Thank you. Tell me, just how often do you eavesdrop?"

Doctor, on monitor screen: "I am simply trying to monitor issues involving the health of the crew, Captain. When activated, the Emergency Medical Program establishes comm. links with all key areas of the ship, and I have, on occasion. I am a Doctor, not a voyeur. I am programmed to be discreet." Janeway: "I'm sure. Commander Chakotay will discuss operating protocols with you at the earliest opportunity. In the meantime, no more eavesdropping, Doctor." Doctor, on monitor screen: "But Captain, I, I, I-" Janeway: "That's an order." She ends contact.

The monitor showing normal personnel status.

Torres calls from the engineering station: "There's another problem, Captain." Janeway and Chakotay go over to her and look at the readings on her monitor. "We won't be able to transport to the surface because of the EM disturbances in the atmosphere. They'll interfere with our comm. links too." Chakotay: "I'll have Mr Kim take a look." He goes off to do so.

Meanwhile, Kim and Paris are approaching the Messhall for lunch. Kim: "Listen, why don't we take in a holodeck program later? A Molière comedy - that'll cheer you up."

They enter the Messhall but stop just inside the doors as Paris spots Kes. He says: "I think I'll just eat later." But Kes notices them and waves cheerily. "Damn."

They wave back, unnaturally large smiles on their faces as they whisper to each other. Kim: "What do you want to do?" Paris: "Very simple. We just won't sit with her." Kim: "But that's rude." Paris: "No, that's smart. We'll make it look like we have bridge operations to discuss."

Neelix notices their odd behaviour. He has had his fears about Paris' possible intentions toward Kes since early in the previous year (saying to her of him: "He's just one big hormone walking around the ship."), and he saw him the previous day with Kes as they left her shuttlecraft simulation.

Kim and Paris, still with unnaturally big smiles, approach the serving counter.

Neelix greets them: "Gentlemen!" He is tossing pasta. "May I recommend the Alfarian hair pasta today?" Kim: "Hair pasta? That's just an expression, isn't it?" Neelix laughs. "Not at all! No. It's actually made from the follicles of the mature Alfarian. We harvest the hair during shedding season in early fall. Very high in protein." Paris: "Whatever. We just have a lot of bridge operations business to discuss." Kim, under his breath, sarcastically, as they take their tray-plates and head for a table: "Yeah."

They go to the table next to Kes' and get ready to eat. But then Chakotay signals Kim: "Mr Kim, please report to the Bridge." Kim gets up, leaving his tray-plate. He bends towards Paris: "Have a nice lunch." He leaves.

Paris tries to appear nonchalant. He takes a couple of mouthfuls of the meal. He ignores Kes, who is sitting just behind him.

He sees Neelix looking at him, and smiles broadly at him, even giving him a little wave. Neelix gives a polite but false smile in return.....

.....which turns into a scowl as soon as Paris looks away.

Paris continues to ignore Kes and tries to keep a surreptitious eye to see if Neelix suspects anything. Kes finishes her meal and leaves.

With his emotions seething inside him, Neelix goes over to Paris. "You subclass genus." Paris: "I beg your pardon?" Neelix: "Sitting with your backs to each other like two strangers waiting for a transport. Is that supposed to fool me?"

Paris: "Oh! A guy just can't win. Look, there is nothing to fool you about. Really. I swear."

Neelix: "Liar." He pushes Paris' plate against him, covering him in food.

Paris leaps up. "What the hell are you doing?!" He retaliates by pushing Kim's abandoned plate against Neelix.

With the meat, pasta and sauce running off him, Neelix jumps on Paris. They land on a table, scattering plates and cups as they go. Crewmembers rush out of the way. Grappling each other, theParis and Neelix off the table onto the floor.

Neelix: "I'll kill you!" Paris: "It's too late. I'm betting your hair pasta already did the trick!" Suddenly Janeway signals: "Janeway to Lieutenant Paris and Mr Neelix." They freeze mid-fight. Paris: "Go ahead." Neelix: "Yes, Captain?" Janeway, via comms: "Please report to my Ready Room right away. I have something important to discuss with you."

The pair scramble to their feet. They are covered with food. Paris: "Er, Captain, did you say right away? If we could have-" Janeway, via comms: "That's what I said, Mr Paris. Janeway out."

They depart from the Messhall, leaving the spectators much to talk about.